50 Ways to Play by Debra & Don Macleod

Author:Debra & Don Macleod
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Penguin Group, USA
Published: 2012-06-18T16:00:00+00:00

28. Orgasm Control

The dominant’s ability to have total and complete control over the sexual arousal and activities of the submissive is a central principle of BDSM sexplay. But it doesn’t end there—a dominant should also have control over when and how the submissive will orgasm. This involves a mix of physical domination (see #2) and mental domination (see #4) over the submissive. More often than not, orgasm control relies on delayed gratification (see #3) to prolong and ultimately intensify final release.

At its simplest, a dominant may control the submissive’s orgasm by verbally instructing him or her how and when to climax. To spice it up, a dominant can “tie and tease” the submissive (see #33). The submissive may be restrained to the bed, a chair or other piece of furniture (see #5 to#7) or from an actual or makeshift suspension device, whether a shower curtain rod or door jam cuffs (see #8). He or she may also be bound by rope (see #34).

The female dominant can toy with her male submissive’s erection and level of arousal by subjecting his genitals to fellatio (see #41), brief periods of vaginal penetration and the distinct sensations of a variety of sex toys (see #29 and #30). To treat him to erotic torture (see #33), she can repeatedly bring him to the very threshold of orgasm, and then back off—a practice called “edging.”

Similarly, the male dominant can stimulate his female submissive’s genitals and edge her to the brink of orgasm and back via cunnilingus and fingering (see #38 and #40), and periods of vaginal penetration using different thrusts, speeds and depths to maximize sensation (see #36). He can also use a selection of sex toys (see #29) for maximum erotic impact.

By using a number of different tools and techniques on the submissive’s body, the dominant is able to assault the submissive’s body with shards of sexual stimulation, while simultaneously preventing him or her from building the momentum needed for orgasm. This can prolong the BDSM experience for both partners. When the dominant wants the submissive to climax, he or she should continue to use the same strokes and stimulation, so that the submissive can reach the sexual crescendo. The dominant may also want to verbally communicate that it is time for the submissive to orgasm.

If desired, the dominant can choose to engage in mutual climax, where both partners reach orgasm at the same time. Partners who achieve mutual orgasm have great insight into each other’s sexuality and arousal cycles, and this isn’t a goal that is easily achieved.

While orgasm control is a powerful element of BDSM, dominants must beware the “ruined orgasm.” If the submissive is brought to the edge of orgasm too many times, or if he or she experiences an ill-timed orgasm (for example, when the dominant has ceased genital stimulation), the submissive’s orgasm will be unsatisfying. To avoid the ruined orgasm, the dominant must be keenly aware of where the submissive is in his or her arousal cycle.

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